Waiting for my mother

My mother is in surgery right now, she has an infected foot which has been causing her much pain. She is diabetic, and normally her pain tolerance level is very high, she has gone through many major health-related crises and normally she was very dignified in handling pain. This time it must have been very painful as she would cry every time the painkiller effect wore off. It started with pain in her big toe, but we could not see any inflammation mark. Neither could the GP whom we brought her to see. And then when it got really bad last week the GP gave her antibiotics and painkiller, but the pain got worse. She was admitted to the hospital 2 nights ago, when she begged my father to take her to the emergency room, something that she had not even wanted to consider before. And yesterday, her whole foot started to swell, with pus. I have been praying for everything to be alright. That is all that I can do. Here I am in the city, and there she is in my hometown. I am flying back on Saturday morning. And in the mean time all I can do is pray that she will be alright.

We all feel better in the dark

The day started badly with me having about 2 minutes of sleep the night before (well, this morning really) because my mind just wouldn't shut off despite me gobbling down the flu medications. Refer the topic prior to this - so that hurt was stronger than medicine. Then I had a morning meeting of a hot topic that I won't even go into. But somehow as the day progressed, things got better, my mood improved. I think somewhere today I just went "damn, go to hell you who do not know how to be gracious" and that sped my mood-recovery. Evening finished off today fantastically with dinner with a fantastic group of people at a certain fabulous location with fabulous food. Which I was trying to escape earlier because of my mood. So I am glad I went. And to the group, thank you for the laughters, and thank you for apreciating me. You do not know how much that meant to me, especially today.

Quotes from the dinner - SL is having Sex On the Peach (and that's a drink :)), SY likes salted butter topping, M's meat is huge....ohhhh...it's that kind of dinner conversation! :)

Accept kindness graciously

I wish people know how to accept kindness graciously when offered to them. I have met, quite often unfortunately, people who do not know how to do so. It hurts, especially when the people are important to you. I admit, it is for selfish reasons that I offer my kindness, but then again, who doesn't do things for selfish reasons? Because you offer kindness to satisfy your needs to serve others.

so right now I am hurting. I wish the person is reading this entry.

Old hobby, revisited

My father gave me a SLR camera in 1987, it was an old second-hand Olympus. I can't even remember the model anymore. It gave me a lot of happiness, even with the limitations it had - it wasn't a high-end model, and I could not afford to buy all the extra gadgets, lens included - until I lost it two years later when my apartment in Chicago got broken into. I was sad, especially when I couldn't afford to replace it. So now, 22 years later, I bought myself a DSLR. Again a basic model - the Canon 1000D, but it has given me a lot of happiness again. This time around I managed to buy a couple of extra lens. So here are some of my handiwork.

My cat, Boo

My other cat, Baby

My rosemary plant on the balcony

We work with what we know

I like these words - we work with what we know in this life - read it in a book. I find it so simple, yet so true. There is only so much that we can know at any one time, as much as we try to know, and that is the framework of which we make our decisions on. And what we know is the truth to us, the truth within the context of our framework. What we don't know, we can't even begin to even comprehend. I know I may not make sense here, but I think I know what I mean. Of course, I am working with what I know here.

More thoughts

Another year has started, in fact it is the second month of the new year already. Time sure flies. Life also goes on. With its many twists and turns all over the place. It is supposed to be the year of the ox this year, according to our chinese friends. An ox is supposed to be hard working, and patient. The year, at least to me, somehow does not start that way. May be it requires me to be patient, and hard working instead. Already, many events are taking place in the lives of the people around me, which affect me somehow. May be it's a year of knowing who these people around me are. As who they are now, not who they used to be. May be it's a year of reassessment. People change. They change because of all sorts of reasons. I change too. And I change because of my experiences. I just hope that I have changed for the better. May be some people are not meant to be in your life forever. They have served their purposes, and may be it's time for me to move on - to serve other people's lives, and to find other people who will serve my life purpose. On that note, I guess another reassessment to be done will be what my life purpose is. Really.